Becoming the son of a Rabbi
May 16, 2017
Off to New York. Mom's going to become a Rabbi and save the world from the savagery of the State of Israel. This is something I really don't care about as long as I get fed and changed. These are the most important things to me.
So mom is being ordained and I have to go. I have to go from the comfort of my home in Hamilton, Ontario to some apartment in Brighton Beach, NY. Dad made mom rent the apartment cause it's suppose to be cheap. Mom rented it cause it has two washrooms and my grandfather needs one to himself. My great grandmother is coming too. She's suppose to be pretty cool, at least that's what my dad keeps saying.
But this is all today. Let's go back a bit so I can explain a few things.
I got made not in the traditional way, but in a petri dish. Though mom and dad say they tried real hard the traditional way. I have no idea what the traditional way is. I digress. I am going off course here, which is something that is not unusual with me.
Dad's figured this out about me -- I can get distracted pretty easily. He often uses this knowledge to his advantage. For example, if I start screaming because I am hungry, he starts making noises that are louder than mine. It usually freaks me out so I stop crying; forget I am hungry (not for long though) and try to figure out what his problem is. Wonder if I will end up being a problem solver?
Regardless of where I started, everyone that sees me seems to be happy that I am here. They smile a lot and make strange noises. When I smile at them, they get very excited. So I smile more.
The first few weeks have been relatively easy with the exception of day 8 (I am Jewish). I got clipped, snipped whatever you want to call it and it hurt. The adults that were watching weren't smiling and neither was I. Mom and dad were crying, so was my aunt. The guy that did the snipping thought I had a great penis; dad thought the guy was a bit loco.
By week six I was attending my first Seders one in Hamilton, and one in Toronto. Mom and dad do Seders for hundreds. Their Seders are dedicated to the struggle for the liberation of Palestine. Though to be honest, I was a bit moody and mom ended up with me in rooms away from the Seders, nursing. Boy, I really do like it when she nurses.
From what I did see, I liked the Toronto Seder best because there were a lot of Jews; Jews of conscience mom and dad called them. They were young, they were enlightened and they sought justice for all, not just the chosen.
The Seders were the first big outing of my life which brings me back to New York. My mom was going to be ordained, and as soon as she was, I would become the son of a Rabbi.
